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> 36 percent brighter flash.

Wait? Didn't Jobs said it would kill Flash?

> A new night mode to compete with Google and Samsung.

(There, my time to shine)

INNOVATION!

> New image pipeline that does over a trillion operations per photo.

There we go: stupid, incongruent e-peen measuring metric.

> New immersive wide angle camera interface that shows you both what the main camera sees and beyond the frame to the ultrawide.

If it is beyond the camera, how can it capture it? πŸ€”

> 6.11-inch Retina display. Spatial audio with Dolby Atmos.

"Spatial Audio". There we go.

> Purple, white, green, yellow, black, and red.

No! No!!

It's "Sundown Purple", "Pearl White", "Alien Green", "Puke Yellow", "Deep Space Black" and "Blood Red". Sheesh.

> iPhone 11 glass is toughest ever in a smartphone, we are told

"Who told you?" Jony Ive.

> "We focus on technologies that matter most," says Cook.

> That's two cameras on the back in a square bump.

Privacy? No.

Easy to use? No.

Battery life? No.

CAMERAS!

> iPhone has 99 percent customer satisfaction, says Cook.

Yeah, those seven people that still have iPhones love them.

> No sleep tracker on the watch mentioned, by the way.

WITH APPLE, YOU NEVER SLEEPβ„’

> Now talking about the emergency features. Series 5 cell models have international emergency calling in over 150 countries around the world by pressing and holding down the side button.

And what about if I break my arms? Huh? Huh? Huh?

> A bunch of new sensors and controllers allow it to have 18-hour battery life, same as before.

Right. And my old MacBook had 12 hours of battery life. Right.

> [Apple Watch] An innovative new display that is ALWAYS ON

Battery life: 15 minutes.

It's funny how TheVerge guys are complaining about not using full names, but refuse to cite the woman's name too.

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> Cook introduces another woman to the stage by first name without her full name on screen. :(

Well, it's the second woman to take the stage. Also, it seems they are using just the first name to make it more informal and stuff...

> Cook back on stage. "These are just a few of the amazing stories I hear every day."

What about the ones about stock market, Cook?

> A lot of people saying they got notifications about elevated heart rates. One person fell, and the Watch automatically called 911 and his wife.

Apple Watch saves lives! Buy yours name, and save yours.

> Now a video about the Apple Watch and how much people love it.

This kind of talk always remind me of a PyPy presentation in which the presenter said "PyPy is 300% faster than CPython -- for tests written specifically to show that PyPy is 300% faster than CPython."

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